


Running Through My Mind

by Emmybazy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Jalec Secret Santa 2017, M/M, Memory Loss, Parabatai Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 21:57:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13133037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmybazy/pseuds/Emmybazy
Summary: From the following prompt: Someone decides to hurt Jace by cursing Alec into forgetting everything about Jace's existence (he remembers events, but doesn’t remember Jace’s participation in them).Or, a witch blocks Alec's memories of Jace. Jace becomes friends with Alec all over again.





	Running Through My Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MorganD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganD/gifts).



> Happy Holidays MorganD and everyone else who participated in the secret santa. What a wonderful present for us all to have extra Jalec content for Christmas. 
> 
> *Warning: Jace has a stalker who is a witch in this fic. She only appears in the first scene but how uncomfortable she makes Jace feel is mentioned multiple times. Skipping the first scene misses the brunt of that discussion but as I said, she is brought up more and the fact that she wants Jace to be with her and takes inappropriate actions to get that to happen is a major plot point.

“No,” Maia’s voice is flat as she slides his beer to him.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jace defends with a smirk.

“You didn’t have to,” Maia pulls a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses, “It’s been two weeks since you and Clary broke up and you’re wearing that,” she points to his leather jacket, “with that face. So no, I am not interested in being your palate cleanser. Again.”

“Oh come on, we had fun, didn’t we?” Jace bounces his eyebrows at her, fingers curling around the beer bottle. 

“Sure, but it was a one time thing type of fun,” Maia pours two shots, hands him one, “And Simon officially asked me to be his girlfriend, so no way.”

“Congratulations,” he clinks his glass against hers and they down them together, “Can’t really blame me for trying.”

“I don’t, I know how good I look right now,” Maia winks, walks to tend on the other patrons. Jace shakes his head on a smile and turns on the bar stool. There’s a cluster of seelie’s in a corner booth, two of whom he’s hooked up with before. His eyes roam, bouncing from vampire to werewolf to the random human who doesn’t realize what type of bar they’re in. 

“Hi,” Jace turns to his left and winces when he makes eye contact. 

“Hi Miranda,” he takes a long drag from his beer and hopes she walks away. 

“How are you doing tonight Sugar?” Miranda’s demon mark are scales, starting at the nape of her neck and spreading down over her shoulders. As usual, she wears a dress with thin straps and a low cut to show off the shine to anyone who will look her way. 

“Doing fine, actually meeting some people here. They’ll be here any minute,” Jace scans the bar, instead of looking for beautiful women, looking for allies to save him. 

“I’ll keep you company until they get here,” she wraps an arm behind him on the bar, traces a finger along his hairline. He shocks away, stands and turns his back. 

“I’d rather you not,” Jace grimaces, “I’m going-”

“What’s wrong?” she tries to make eye contact with him, “You and I had a good time with each other.”

“How much of that was the charms?” He stands his ground.

She frowns, “You consented Sugar.” 

“Yeah, I did, and this is me saying it’s not happening again,” Jace takes another step back.

Her face flattens, “Explains why you weren’t there when I woke up.”

“Yeah, look, I’m not interested.”

“Jace, everything ok?” calm rushes over Jace when Alec appears behind him, voice steady and comforting. 

“Hey,” Jace greets, “Everything’s fine.”

“Yeah Darling, everything’s fine. Leave me and your friend alone a bit, will you?” Miranda smiles up at Alec and Jace crosses his arms, stands between the threat and Alec. 

“I think,” Alec sets a hand on Jace’s shoulder, “my parabatai and I are going to grab a table for our friends.” Without another word, Alec steers Jace away from Miranda and to an empty booth in a corner. 

Jace takes a breath as they sit at the table, “Thanks.”

“What was that about?” Alec asks, concerned etched in his face. 

“Miranda,” Jace mumbles, not wanting anyone to hear, “We hooked up back when Clary and I thought we were siblings. She’s-” Jace shrugs, “I don’t know Alec, I always thought I was pretty kinky but some of the stuff we did that night- and then she kept popping up places asking me back to her place,” Jace runs a hand through his hair, “Looking at her makes my skin crawl.”

Alec’s voice is soft, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We were dealing with all of the Valentine shit, and you and Magnus had just broken up. It didn’t seem important.”

“Of course it’s important,” Alec reassures, “I can call Magnus-”

“No, no, I know you guys are still weird after the break-up.”

Alec scratches his face, “We’re fine. We chose our loyalties and neither of us has any regrets.” He pauses, “We talked after the downworlder council today, it’s fine. I can talk to him about this.”

“Don’t, really,” Jace can see Miranda out of the corner of his eye, “she stopped when Clary and I got together. If I make it really clear I’m uninterested, I think she’ll leave me alone.”

Alec shakes his head, “I don’t like it Jace. Let me know the second she tries something like that again. We can have Magnus deal with her.”

Jace purses his lips and nods. The door to the bar opens and Izzy, Clary, and Lydia pour in. The girls head to the table, sliding into the booth on either side of Alec and Jace. 

“Hey boys, why do you look so glum?” Izzy asks. 

“It’s nothing, how was the restaurant?” Jace asks, smiling at them all, cool as ever. 

“Great, met all of our expectations,” Lydia sits next to him, a surprising friend since she moved back to the New York Institute after Valentine was killed. 

“Plus it was good to have some girl time,” Clary agrees. It’s not weird this time around. This time, they broke up because they didn’t have much in common and the spark died when there wasn’t any immediate danger. This break up had been their choice, after a month of making something work that was never meant to. Now Jace can truly say Clary is like a sister to him. The sex had been weird and stilted, just like most of their conversations after Clary chose to save his life instead of her mother’s. 

“Pulled the leather jacket out again Jace,” Izzy comments, “Good for you.”

“I couldn’t withhold this look from the ladies of New York any longer.”

“Yeah, you’re getting quite the attention from those witches in the corner,” Clary nods, winking at him. 

Jace glances over and makes eye contact with Miranda. He looks down at his beer quick, but not quickly enough to avoid a chill. He drains the rest of the beer and grabs his wallet, “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Jace,” Alec whispers, concerned but Izzy talks over him. 

“We just got here. Why are you of all people leaving early?”

“Just not feeling well. I’ll see you guys in the morning,” He puts a ten dollar bill on the table, pats Alec’s cheek, and pushes past Lydia to make his way to the door with a wave at Maia. 

He walks quickly toward home, hoping Miranda didn’t follow him but ready to defend himself if it comes down to it. Luckily, he gets a text from Izzy when he’s at the next block. 

_ Was the witch the reason you left? She tried to follow you out but Alec stopped her _

His shoulders drop in relief and gratitude for Alec. He shoots a quick thank you text to Alec, and  _ dont worry about it, night _ to Izzy. He still pushes to get home so he can take a shower and forget the feel of Miranda’s eyes on his skin. 

*****

Jace wakes early and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He throws on a t-shirt and sweats, heads toward the kitchen. 

As his bagel toasts, he scrolls through his phone, checks out Izzy and Clary’s snapchat stories. His message to Alec sits unanswered but that’s not uncommon. 

“Morning,” it’s Lydia, hair already pulled tight into a ponytail. She pulls a mug from the cupboard and starts the Keurig. 

“Hey, did you have fun last night?” Jace asks. 

“Yeah, it was nice to get out now that we’re not constantly fearing for our lives.” Lydia smirks and Jace nods in agreement. 

A soft groan settles behind Jace. Alec stands in the doorway, hair mussed, sweater hanging over his hands and a slight frown on his face. He glances once at Jace, darts his eyes away, and begrudgingly smiles at Lydia, “Morning.”

“Morning Alec,” Lydia is already pulling a second mug down. 

“Looks like someone had a wild night,” Jace mocks. 

Alec turns, face neutral, shrugs, “Not really.”

Lydia quirks an eyebrow at him, “Yeah, you didn’t drink much. Are you hungover?”

“My head is pounding,” Alec rubs his fingers into his temples. Lydia places a cup of black coffee in front of him and he smiles, grateful, “Thank you.”

“Want me to make you something?” Jace offers, “I have the best hangover cure breakfast.”

“Uh, no,” Alec looks down at his mug of coffee, not looking at Jace, “Thank you for offering though.”

Jace closes the refrigerator, grabs his bagel, and walks around the counter to sit next to Alec at the bar. He sets a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “You’ll feel better after I whoop you in hand to hand.” Alec shrugs Jace’s shoulder off his shoulder. 

Jace reels back. It’s been years of Jace initiating contact and Alec greedily taking it. Alec craves touch even though he’ll only admit it when Jace needles him about it, but only from people he explicitly trusts. Jace’s hand burns from where it slid off Alec’s shoulder. 

“Hey, are you ok?” Jace asks, concern laced in his words. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude,” Alec hunches into his shoulders, moves his body away from Jace’s, “I’m Alec by the way.”

The air chills in the room. Lydia’s mug lands hard on the counter, she whips around. Jace’s jaw drops, “What?”

“My name, it’s Alec,” Alec runs a hand through his hair, “Since we haven’t been introduced. When did you get here?”

Jace’s throat closes up. He reaches out with the bond for Alec and he’s there, like he always is, but he’s not pushing back. It’s one sided, it’s Jace trying to grasp something that’s not there. It’s Jace screaming Alec’s name and Alec turning his back. It’s lonely.

“Alec,” the word rip itself from Jace’s mouth and Lydia is stepping forward. 

“Alec, you haven’t met Jace?” Lydia asks, incredulous.

“No,” Alec shakes his head, “I thought I was supposed to be made aware of all new shadowhunters coming to the Institute. I would have welcomed you sooner if I had known.”

Jace knows it’s not a joke. He slides off his stool, grips the counter. He immediately jumps to the right conclusion. He grabs his phone, scrolls quickly to find Magnus’s name and dials. 

“Good Morning Jace, what can-”

“Miranda fucked with Alec’s memory,” Jace explains. Alec watches him, eyes wide over the rim of the mug. Jace can’t break their eye contact, “He can’t remember me Magnus.” At Magnus’s name, Alec shifts back. 

“You know Magnus?” Alec pushes, “What are you doing?”

The other end of the phone is silent for a moment before Magnus asks, “Put me on speaker Jace.” Jace follows the directions, “Good morning Alexander, how are you?”

“Fine,” Alec pouts, “how are you?”

“Tired,” Magnus sighs, “you remember me?”

Alec’s eyebrows furrow, “What type of question is that? Of course I remember you.”

“Who is in your family?”

“What is this about-”

“Alexander, please, name the members of your family,” Magnus’s voice is calm and steady. 

“Izzy, Max, Robert, Maryse.” Alec finishes, palms flat on the table, “What is this about?”

Jace sets the phone on the table and flees. It must be a nightmare, he just needs to wake up. 

*****

“I’m going to kill her,” Izzy practically froths at the mouth when she hears what happened. She goes with Alec and Jace to Magnus’s place, Alec keeping Izzy firmly in between them as they walk. 

“Don’t do it just yet, she’s got to reverse the spell first,” Jace reminds. 

Alec is quiet. He hasn’t said more than a few words since he got off the phone with Magnus. 

“I don’t know how she could have done it,” Izzy shakes her head, “We were together the whole time.”

“Alec,” Jace looks around Izzy, “What did she say to you when you confronted her?”

“I don’t know,” Alec stares at the ground in front of him while they walk down the sidewalk. 

“Do you remember her at all?”

“No.”

Jace sighs, “I can’t believe she did this. This has got to be against the accords.”

“We’ll see what Magnus has to say. It’s probably best to let him handle it,” Izzy bumps Jace’s shoulder. 

“What happened to killing her yourself?” Jae smirks.

“I’m sure Magnus would let me help,” Izzy quips back and Jace chuckles. He looks up to Alec again, expecting an eye roll but gets no reaction. It makes Jace swallow nerves, not knowing this person who looks like the person he loves most in the world. 

They get to the door of the building and Jace holds the door open for Alec and Izzy. Alec mutters, “Thank you,” before stepping through. The gold hallways leads to the elevators and they take one up to Magnus’s penthouse. Izzy only knocks once before Magnus sweeps the door open. Alec stiffens when Magnus smiles at them. 

“Come in everyone, not a moment to waste,” Magnus ushers them in and into his living room. He points Alec to the couch, “Please Alexander, sit,” Alec gingerly sits on the edge of the couch, watching Magnus with wide eyes, “this shouldn’t hurt.” Magnus puts the palm of his hand to Alec’s forehead and closes his eyes. 

Jace bites his lip and taps his fingers against his thigh. Alec’s face flows from flinch to a slack jaw to a pursed lips. Magnus’s left hand floats in the air, creating patterns, while his right clamps on Alec’s head. Finally, Alec gasps and Magnus’s shoulders drop. 

“Good and bad news I’m afraid,” Magnus rolls out his neck, “It appears she’s only blocked all of the memories of Jace, not removed them or destroyed them. Bad news, I can’t undo the block. Good news, it’s only temporary.”

“How long is temporary?” Izzy questions.

“That depends,” Magnus crosses his arms over his chest, “Could be days or years, I can’t tell from the remnants of the magic. She, of course, could remove it herself.”

“Well then let’s go fucking find her,” Jace is on his feet and at the door in a few strides. 

“Jace, wait,” Magnus stops him, locking the door in front of him, “She won’t do it against her will. If you coerce her, and we give her access to Alec, she could destroy more memories than these ones she blocked.”

“But he didn’t do anything,” Jace replies, “It’s me she wants to hurt.”

Magnus rolls his eyes, “Ah yes, another one of your flings gone wrong. It all makes sense now.”

Jace bites his tongue. The Alec who knows him, the Alec who isn’t in the room but is in his head whispers  _ tell him, tell him what happened _ but Jace only shrugs, “Something like that.”

“I think the best approach is giving her a day to breath and then letting me interact with her tomorrow and try to convince her to return Alexander’s memories.”

“You want him to wait another day?” Jace blurts. 

“If that’s what you think is best Magnus,” Alec has his hands clasped in his lap, “then that’s what we’ll do. Let me know when and where you’ll need me to go.”

“What? Alec no-”

“I can wait one more day,” Alec’s voice flutters, “Jace.”

Jace looks around the room. Izzy’s eyes consoling, Magnus’s face aloof, and Alec’s- Alec devoid of emotion as he watches Jace. No concern, no compassion. 

“Ok,” Jace nods, “It’s not my head so you guys do what you have to do. I’m going to head back to the Institute.”

“We’ll come to-” Izzy starts but Jace cuts her off. 

“It’s ok, you guys stay here. Figure out a game plan or whatever. You don’t need me for that,” he forces a crooked grin and waves good bye to everyone. His hand shakes as he reaches for the door handle, trying to get the blank look in Alec’s eyes out of his head. 

*****

Jace wakes up before his alarm the next morning. He throws on jeans and a tshirt. He’d called in some favors and gotten his shifts covered for the day. Alec, with partial memory lost, had been deemed unfit for duty and on medical leave. Jace heads to Alec’s room as soon as he’s brushed his teeth. 

Alec is still asleep when Jace pushes open the door, “Wake up sleepy head.”

“Hm?” Alec’s shoulders curl against the sheets and he pushes his face up.

“I said wake up,” Jace starts ruffling through drawers, pulling out a similar get up for Alec, “we’ve got a busy day.”

“How’d you get in?” Alec rubs the sleep from his eyes.

“I have a key,” Jace explains, “You have a key to my room too. It’s on your key chain.”

“You couldn’t have atleast knocked?” Alec turns over in bed, sitting up against the headboard.

Jace throws the clothes at him, “I know you’ve forgotten me, but come on, we’re parabatai. You know what that means.”

“Where in the books does it say parabatai are allowed to wake each other up and break into their rooms? Especially when one want to spend the day in bed.”

“Hell no,” Jace sits on the bed next to Alec, “You’re not wallowing. We’re getting your memories back today.”

Alec pulls the T-shirt over his head, “No, we are not. Magnus is getting my memories back.”

“I’m not going to talk to Miranda. We’re going to try to get your memories back the old fashioned way.”

“The soul sword?” Alec asks, incredulous. 

“No, come on man, I wouldn’t do that to you,” Jace stands, beckoning Alec to come with, “get going. It’s going to be fun.”

Alec quirks an eyebrow, “I’m not wearing pants.”

“Which is why I threw those pants you are holding at you. Put them on.”

“Turn around,” Alec pouts. 

“Wow, you’ve got a lot to learn,” Jace shakes his head but spins around, “I’ll allow it this time.”

“Let me guess, parabatai also stare at each other while they change?”

“Now you’re getting the hang of things,” Jace turns back as Alec slides the jeans up over his hips, “You’ll remember me in no time.”

Alec shoots Jace a a crooked grin that he quickly suppresses, “Is coffee part of the plan?”

“Sure, first stop as soon as you get your shoes on.” Alec sighs heavily but Jace gently punches his shoulder, “You should be thanking me for not letting you ruin your sleep routine.”

“Yeah, yeah, get me a cup of coffee and then we’ll talk.” 

******

Their third stop of the morning, after the room where they said their parabatai oath and Jace’s piano room, is a bench in Central Park. 

“What happened here?” Alec plops down next to Jace. He’s relaxed, Jace can feel him reaching back through their bond and he’s smiling more than he had the day before. 

“Our first solo mission,” Jace grins, “Unsanctioned of course. We were walking home one night when we were off duty and found a demon chasing a woman. You shot an arrow into his chest to slow him down and I finished him off right there,” Jace points to a spot on the ground a few feet from his foot. 

“Before or after we became parabatai?” Alec asks. 

“Before, but only a few weeks before I asked you.”

“You asked me then?” Alec coughs. 

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d say yes at first. But here we are and I was so right.”

“About?”

“You and me,” Jace knocks their shoulders together, “Better together.”

Alec forces a smile and looks away, “It’s weird, I don’t feel like I’m missing any of these memories.”

“How?”

“I remember my first solo mission,” Alec continues, “It was here, I was walking home and I saw a woman being chased by a demon so I shot a half dozen arrows into it.”

Jace turns, eyebrows furrowed, “So what, do you think I’m lying?”

“No,” Alec wraps his arms around himself, “I don’t. Because I didn’t tell anyone about it. I was so afraid of breaking the clave rules so young,” Alec meets Jace’s eyes, “I did-” his voice catches, “I did carve my name into this bench.”

Jace grins, “So did we,” he runs his hands over the wood, looking for their initials. He finds them with his thumb and covers it up, “Is it going to freak you out.”

“Probably, but I should see it,” Alec leans over and Jace moves his hand. The letters are worn, but still visible from the stops Jace makes every year or so to re-cut them into the wood. Simple, AL+JW carved in each of their distinctive ways. 

“I thought your last name was Herondale?” Alec asks. 

“That’s a long story, but at the time this all happened it was Wayland,” Jace traces the A once before pulling his hand back, “does it look the same as how you remembered it?”

“Yeah,” Alec breaths, shakes his head, “I don’t get it. It doesn’t feel like I’m missing memories. The stories you’ve told me are my memories just, without you.” Alec sits back again, “But then there's the bond.”

“Yeah, are you ok?” Jace asks, hand settling on Alec’s arm, “I know it’s a lot at first.”

“It’s fine,” Alec shrugs, “I haven’t gotten the hang of it yet but it’s less weird the more time I spend with you.”

“I can feel you now,” Jace pats his rune, “Yesterday it felt like you were blocking me.”

“I was, at least trying too,” Alec admits.

“You’ve got to lean into it,” Jace sets his hand against his own rune, “The more you trust me, the easier it is.”

Alec nods, glancing down once more at their initials, “When you asked me, you trusted me?”

Jace sits back on the bench, “I’ve always trusted you most. We’re parabatai, brothers. I trust you with my soul and you trust me with yours, that’s how it’s always been.”

“Wish I could remember that. It’d be nice to have a friend, I spend a lot of time alone.”

“You don’t,” Jace shakes his head, “I bet most of the memories you have alone are missing me.” A sad grin spreads on Alec’s face, so Jace grips his shoulder, “Hey, ready for the next place?”

“Sure,” Alec stands and waits for Jace to lead the way.

*****

Jace walks into the Institute with Alec under his arm and a laugh on his lips, “So you thought you did that all on your own?”

“Yeah,” Alec chuckles, “I just thought I was that good.”

Jace smacks his shoulder and let’s Alec go, “Nope. I’ve got to go check in with Lydia but I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Alec waves and walks toward the dorms. 

“You two looked cozy,” Jace turns and it’s Izzy behind him, arms crossed. 

“Who? Me and my parabatai?” Jace exaggerates, “The person I share a soul with?”

“Also the person who can’t remember you.”

“The more time he spends with me, the more comfortable he’ll be with me and the sooner we can get back to normal,” Jace walks down the hall with Izzy. 

“Just remember that he’s going to get his memory back and then he’ll remember everything that happens,” Izzy raises her voice like she’s trying to get a message across but Jace doesn’t know what she’s trying to say. 

“So? I hope he does remember. We had a lot of fun today,” Jace splits off down the hall toward Lydia’s office, “You do anything later, want to get dinner?”

“Probably, see you then,” Izzy turns down another hall and Jace knocks on Lydia’s door. 

“Come in,” he opens the door and she looks up, “Hey, how’s he doing?”

“Better now,” Jace falls into one of the chairs in front of her desk, “Hopefully you won’t have to run this place solo too much longer.”

“Heard anything from Magnus yet?”

“No and not holding out hope I will,” Jace crosses his legs, “If the time on the spell doesn’t run out soon, I think it’s going to come down to getting the Clave involved.”

“Let’s hope not,” Lydia’s expression sours, “I don’t want to risk Alec’s memories on her cooperating under force.”

“Then I’ll try to stay positive,” Jace shrugs, “In the meantime, I’ll keep trying to trigger Alec’s memories with the familiar places.”

“Great, keep me posted. We’ll figure out your shifts until it happens,” Lydia waves him out.

“Thanks Lyds,” Jace leaves the office and heads to the training room, whistling as he goes. 

*****

“So what happened at this place?” Alec scoops a spoonful of oreo pieces on his frozen yogurt sundae. 

“Nothing in particular,” Jace grabs chocolate almonds, “It is the only place I can convince you to play hookie with me for. You have a terrible soft spot for froyo.”

“True,” Alec eats a spoonful of his monstrosity and Jace pulls out his credit card, “Let me give you some money.”

“Nah, I’ve got it,” Jace swipes his card and Alec bites back a grin as he mixes the topping together, “Grab that table before someone else does.”

They eat the piles of toppings and Alec laughs when Jace drops an almond and pouts. 

“What else are we doing today?” Alec asks. 

“Should probably call Magnus and see if he’s had any progress with Miranda. I don’t think he has, so don’t get your hopes up, but we should check in.”

“What happened with the two of you anyways? And why did she target me?” Alec slides the spoon between his lips and withdraws it with a pop. Jace cocks his head watching, enjoying the relaxed vibe this Alec with no work responsibilities gives off. 

“She was a one night stand that ended poorly,” Jace concedes, pulling out his phone, “I was feeling uncomfortable and you intervened the night she erased your memories. She must have felt threatened by you and-” Jace shrugs, “Well, everyone knows how much you mean to me. It’s my fault, if I had handled things with her better, she never would have gone after you.”

“Oh,” Alec pouts. He puts his hand on Jace’s as Jace dials, “I’ll get my memories back soon enough.” 

“Hello Jace,” Magnus answers on the first ring, “You’re with Alexander?”

“Yeah,” Jace sets the phone down, pulling his hand back from Alec, “any luck with Miranda?”

“To a degree,” Magnus muses, “She wouldn’t tell me how long the spell would last, but said you’d know what she’d want in return for his memories. What does she mean?”

Jace grimaces. He feels Alec’s worried eyes on his clenched jaw and tries to smooth it out, “It’s nothing Magnus. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. Thanks for going to her first.”

“No problem. Let me know if you need any further help.” Magnus hangs up the phone but it sends a chill down Jace’s back. 

“Jace?” Alec’s voice is soft, “What is it she wants from you?”

Jace shakes his head, “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? I’ve got to know if it’s worth my memories or not.”

“It is,” Jace looks up, sees those eyes. Alec’s eyes have watched him and protected him for so long. It’s selfish at this point, Alec would be fine if he never got his memories back, maybe better off never remembering the negative influence Jace has had on him. It’s Jace who can’t live without the weight in Alec’s eye contact.  

“Do I get any say in it?” 

“No,” Jace takes a bite of his froyo, “Because you, self sacrificing and selfless Alec, will say it’s not worth it. But to me, it is, 110%.”

Alec reaches his hand out again, just tapping his index finger against Jace’s wrist, “Let me know if I can help you.”

Jace turns his hand and grabs Alec’s, “You already do, so much.”

*****

“Here,” Jace pushes open the fire door, “Come on.”

“I know my way,” Alec steps onto the roof, hands in his pockets, “I’ve been up here before.”

“Yeah, all by yourself,” Jace shuts and locks the door behind him.

“Actually, yeah,” Alec props himself against the brick wall overlooking the city, “All of my memories are of me coming up here by myself.”

Jace joins him, looks out over the city, “I’m missing from a lot of those.”

“Is this our spot?” Alec’s voice doesn’t disturb the piece, pitched low with a curl to his lip, “A place we can escape to.”

“Kind of, yeah,” Jace admits, “We both have the habit of using this as our spot to go when we’re upset.”

“So I can assume that all my memories of feeling broken up here, you ran up after me and consoled me?”

Jace fiddles with the sleeve of his jacket, “I hope so. I hope I came every time but I can’t know for sure.”

Alec hooks a finger under Jace’s chin, “My knight in shining armor.” Jace feels a blush start on his face and then Alec is leaning in.

It steals the breath form Jace’s lungs. Alec has no doubts as he slides his lips along Jace’s bottom lip. Jace’s hand grips his own sleeve as Alec steps closer into his space, feet bracketing Jace in as Alec’s hands cup Jace’s face.

Jace sighs and- without thinking of the consequences- reciprocates. His hand moves onto Alec’s waist and his mouth opens on a soft sigh. Alec’s body melts onto Jace’s completely, taking from Jace with his lips and his hands what Jace had never expected to give. 

After longer than he should have allowed, Jace pulls back, “Alec-”

“It’s ok,” Alec keeps his lips on Jace, “I figured it out on my own, you’re ok.”

“What did you figure out?” panic seeps into Jace’s voice. He puts his hands on Alec’s chest and pushes a few inches in between them. 

“That we’re together,” Alec tilts his head, “secretly, so the clave doesn't find out. I may have forgotten you but I can feel how much we love each other through the bond.”

“Alec,” Jace shakes his head, “no, Alec, I’m sorry.”

“What- what for?” Alec gives into the press of Jace’s hands and puts the space between them. 

“We’ve never, that’s not what’s happening,” Jace’s voice isn’t strong enough for his own liking, “we’ve never done that before.”

Alec startles back, shaking his head, “But- no, that doesn’t make sense. You were so upset? And you worked so hard to get my memories back-”

“Don’t get me wrong, I do love you more than anyone else, and I know you did have feelings for me at some point but I thought you were over that since Magnus. We got past that, I’m straight-”

Alec pouts, “Bull shit. Straight guys don’t let other men- do whatever we just did.”

Jace clenches his fists, “Ok, you do have a point there, but all that means is that I probably have to do some soul searching. But we’re still parabatai, and we wouldn’t risk that for anything.”

Alec is a good five feet away from Jace at this point, “But the bond doesn’t get corrupted by Eros. I know that, that’s something I know. I looked it up and I” Alec swallows, “Shit, I thought that was another memory that we must have done together, shit.” Alec puts his hands in his hair, “God Jace, I’m so sorry.”

“No, Alec, don’t be sorry,” Jace moves towards him but Alec flinches away, “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re confused and vulnerable right now because of your memories-”

“Oh my god,” Alec drops his hands and turns, “I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry Jace.” 

Jace doesn’t run after him, listens to the steps patter down the stairs but doesn’t move to follow. 

******

Jace puts it off the next day. He wants to spend the day with Alec, but Alec’s door stays shut and bolted. Jace knocks with no response and doesn’t even get a read receipt when he texts. He can’t blame Alec, wanting to go find a quiet place to puzzle out his feelings as well. Flashes of sensation, Alec’s hands on his waist, Alec’s lips on neck, come roaring back when he doesn’t focus on the task at hand. 

“Jace,” Jace looks up to greet Clary, “what are you doing?”

“Paperwork.”

“You hate paperwork,” she crosses her arms, “What’s up, still working on getting Alec’s memories back?”

“Yeah,” Jace runs a hand over his neck, “I think I know how, I’m just putting it off.”

“Why?” Clary furrows her eyebrows. 

“I really don’t want to do it,” he sighs, “It’s definitely worth doing to get Alec back, but.”

“Won’t be pleasant?” Clary finishes the thought, “I can come with you.”

“No, absolutely not,” Clary pouts and he tries to explain, “It’s not too dangerous or anything, but you wouldn’t like it either.”

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” Jace stands, last file folder in place, “Can I actually talk to you about something?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Why didn’t we work, really?” Jace sits on his desk so he’s eye level with Clary.

Clary’s eyes widen, “Oh, well. I guess whatever spark we had faded. It stopped being fun when I could hardly make you smile but Alec could make you laugh with a look.”

“That’s not a very good thermometer though. Alec I mean,” Jace drums his fingers against the desk, “parabatai are closer than lovers. At least, they’re supposed to be.”

“Sure, you share a soul and all that, but you’re not in love with Alec. You fight better together and you can tell when the other is hurt, but parabatai don’t automatically like each other more than anyone else. Like, you don’t want to come home to Alec, or share a bed with Alec. I know other parabatai where one of them is in a relationship and they loved their partner more than they loved their parabatai. When I realized you and I didn’t connect on that level, I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

“So it’s my fault.”

“No, no, it’s no one’s fault,” Clary shrugs, takes a seat next to him on the desk, “Just, one day you’ll meet someone who you’ll want to see first thing every morning, more than you want to see Alec. You’ll always share your soul with Alec, but you’ll want to share your life with someone other than him.”

He doesn’t. Jace has seen terrors and sunsets and magic and his father murder people in front of his eyes. All of it is better with Alec next to him. No one else has seen the very core of Jace and Jace doesn’t want anyone else there, it’s only for Alec’s eyes. 

“Thanks Clary,” Jace shoves off the desk, “I’m going to go get Alec’s memories back.”

“Good luck, hope it’s not too awful,” Clary waves him off, “Call if you need help!”

******

Miranda’s apartment is on the Upper East Side. He walks there, hands stuffed in his leather jacket as he weaves, glamored, through the crowds. He’s two blocks from Miranda’s apartment when his phone rings. 

“Hey,” he picks up Alec’s call, “What’s up?”

“It’s wearing off, I don’t remember everything but I can remember meeting you.”

Jace stills on the sidewalk, “Are you sure? You don’t just think you do because I told you?”

“It’s a memory,” Alec ensures, “it’s your face. I can remember.”

“Oh thank god,” Jace runs a hand over his cheeks.

“Did you,” Alec pauses, “did you do whatever she wanted already?”

“No, you called me right on time,” Jace turns to retrace his steps, taking a more direct path back, “It must have been a three day spell.”

“Will you be back soon?”

“Give me 20 minutes, I’ll find you as soon as I get back.”

“I’ll be on the roof.”

“Bye Alec,” Jace hangs up and feels his shoulders fall in relief. 

*****

Jace jogs up the last few stairs and slams through the door. It’s immediately noticeable, the difference between the Alec who knows him and the Alec who was getting to. It’s both comforting and alarming as Jace notices the wall Alec keeps up, even with him. The almost bashful look is gone from Alec’s eye and instead Jace is met with crossed arms and Alec’s lips in a sharp line across his face. 

Jace doesn’t say anything as he steps up and pulls Alec into his arms. Alec keeps his arms crossed, merely bending his head to fall against Jace’s. His shoulders are stiff under Jace’s hands so Jace pulls back, keeping him still with a hold on Alec’s biceps. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Jace starts, “I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad-”

“You’re sorry?” Alec interrupts, “You are the one- Jace, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Miranda was upset with me, not you.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that,” Alec shakes his head, “you didn’t do that, she did, and I am going to tell Magnus why she did it.”

“No, Alec-”

“Jace, don’t think it’s small. You have every right to say no to her and she can’t be enacting revenge on everyone who turns her down,” Alec’s voice is hard and demanding, but he takes a step back, “I am sorry about yesterday though.”

“What?” Jace picks up on Alec’s hesitance and drops his hands, “Oh, that? That’s fine Alec. I get it was all confusing. I didn’t help matters by, you know.”

“Yeah,” Alec looks over Jace’s left shoulder, “Definitely not.”

“But hey,” Jace smiles goofy, holds his hands out, tries to appear welcoming, “you’ve got your memories back so we can get right back to normal. No harm, no foul.”

Alec nods, “Sure.”

“Come on,” Jace hooks a thumb towards the door, “you want to spar or something?”

Alec looks at his shoes. He purses his lips before saying, “I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jace stammers, “I should probably head that way too.” He puts his hands in his pockets and leads them both to the door in a slow saunter. 

*****

Jace is enjoying a cup of hot coffee when Izzy whispers in his ear, “Now you look the opposite of cozy.”

“Fuck, Iz, don’t do that,” Jace licks the spilled coffee off his hand.

“You really should have heard me, something must be on your mind,” Izzy sits down next to him, “Like what happened between you and Alec.”

“Nothing, he’s got his memories back. We’re back to normal,” Jace shrugs, “He’s with Lydia and she’s catching him up to speed.”

“At the briefing earlier, you wouldn’t even look at each other,” Izzy scowls, “What happened.”

“Look,” Jace stands, “Talk to him if you think something’s wrong.”

“I tried too. He asked me to get you for him,” Izzy puts her hands on her hips and then pops one, “When I asked him why he didn’t just text you, he acted weird and freaked out when I pushed.”

Jace raises an eyebrow, “Freaked out?”

“An Alec Lightwood freak out. You know, snappy and wouldn’t meet my eyes. Made a snarky comment about following orders. And you didn’t hear me walk into a room and I’m wearing heels.”

Jace sighs. He drains his mug, “I’ll talk to him.”

“Great, don’t make it worse,” Izzy clicks out of the room while Jace walks in the opposite direction toward Alec’s office. 

He doesn’t knock, “Izzy said you needed me.”

“Yes,” Alec looks up from his computer and waits for Jace to take hi usual perch on the window ledge. Instead, Jace sits on the wooden chair opposite Alec’s. Alec’s blank expression dips into a frown for a moment, “I talked to Magnus.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That it wasn’t some petty squabble and that while the spell may have only lasted three days, the intention behind it was to cause further harm to you,” Alec clasps his hands, “I wouldn’t give him details about the two of you, but I think you should tell him. He can do more as the high warlock than I can from here.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jace nods, standing. 

“Also-” Alec stops him, “You shouldn’t have done it.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“Because we were lucky,” Alec fidgets with a pen between his fingers, “and it was a three day curse instead of a week. If the spell had been permanent and the only way for you to reverse it was-,” he breathes, “I’m not worth it.”

“You are,” Jace assures, “And it would have been worth it for me too.”

“We would have figured it out. Just please,” he leans forward, eyes wide on Jace as he begs, “please, don’t put yourself in harm’s way like that again.”

“It would have been fine Alec. Bad sex is bad sex-”

“You and I both know it wouldn’t have been just that for you. Don’t do that again Jace, not for me at least,” Alec turns back to his computer, effectively dismissing Jace. Jace huffs and walks as far as the door before he looks back. 

“How do you know parabatai bonds aren’t warped by Eros?” Alec shoots straight up. Jace leans back against the door frame, waiting. 

Alec stares straight ahead until Jace counts to 23 in his head before asking, “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“A few months after we bonded, I had,” he runs a hand through his hair, purses his lips, “feelings for you. I did a lot of research to figure out if- if I only had to want it to happen or if something actually had to happen for the bond to break.”

“And?”

“The stories were inconsistent,” Alec taps a pen against his desk, “I looked for conclusive evidence for weeks until I figured out that the rule had more to do with homophobia than an actual effect on the bond. There are stories from the mid-twelfth century of parabatai being swayed by their love into laying together. That’s the first record I could find with any mention of parabatai and Eros and stories about bond corruption didn’t come out until centuries later.” 

Jace nods, “So why did you think we were together?”

“The memories I knew you were missing from felt different. The memories I had of researching felt the same kind of different. I assumed it was something we had done together, and what other explanation is there for doing that type of research together?”

Jace tilts his head back against the frame, hands still clasped to the doorknob. Instead of turning it, he locks it.

“So, hypothetically, we could be together without any negative effects?”

“Besides being de-runed?” Alec quirks an eyebrow, “Sure, yes, hypothetically.”

Jace steps away from the wall, “Should we try?”

Alec nearly breaks the pen in his hand from the force of the clench that takes over his entire body, “What.”

“You were right,” Jace steps to Alec’s side of the desk, “I don’t think I’m straight. With the amount of time I’ve been spending thinking about what happened on the roof- I can’t be. And you didn’t remember me and you still fell for me all over again. Don’t we deserve to give it a shot?”

Alec’s lips part, “you’ve been thinking about it?”

“Yes,” Jace whispers, knees practically touching the side of Alec’s chair. Alec swallows. There’s a knock at the door. 

“Alec?” Lydia calls on the other side of the door, “Are you ready for our call with the Inquisitor?”

Alec pushes out of his seat, skirting around Jace to unlock the door and let Lydia in, “Yes, Jace was just leaving.” 

“Yep, heading over to Magnus’s now,” Jace shoves his hands into his pockets, “Alec, we’ll talk about this later?”

“Sure, thank you,” Alec puts a hand briefly on his shoulder as Jace walks past. 

*****

“She did what?” Magnus seethes. 

“Magnus-” 

Magnus holds Jace’s hand in both of his, “Tell me what happened, and I will make sure she sees justice.”

Jace opens his mouth to argue or make an excuse but all that comes out is, “Thank you.”

*****

After an exhausting conversation with Magnus and a formal complaint filed with the High Warlock, Jace stumbles into the Institute as a crew heads out on a late night mission. Jace stops by Alec’s office, then his room, the roof, and can’t find him. In defeat Jace, heads back to his own bedroom. The lights are on under the door. 

Alec sits in sweatpants with his legs crossed on Jace’s bed, scrolling on his phone. Jace stays near the door, locking it behind him. 

“Yes,” Alec says.

“Yes?” Jace counters, throwing his jacket over the back of his chair. 

“Yes,” Alec clicks off his phone and puts it on Jace’s bedside table. His hands sit in his lap and he watches Jace.

“Oh, you mean yes,” Jace smirks, tracking the conversation. He kicks off his boots and sits next to Alec on the bed, “smart choice on your part.”

“Don’t make me regret it,” Alec murmurs as Jace leans forward, dragging Alec in close. Alec lends a hand and pulls Jace, one of Jace’s legs falling over his. 

Jace cards his hands through Alec’s hair, pausing with Alec’s breath on his lips, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Alec slides a hand up Jace’s spine, “Kiss me.” 

*****

“No,” Maia says.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jace exclaims.

Maia cocks her head to the side, “Yeah, and this time your not even giving off vibes. Get laid recently Jace?”

“None of your business, you know I don’t kiss and tell,” Jace smiles and gladly accepts the bear she hands him, “How’s Simon?”

“Good, I think he’s stopping by tonight. Are you running out early again?”

“No,” Jace shakes his head, “I’m here for the night. This is where the party is happening.”

“I see,” she nods toward the pool table, Magnus and Alec playing against Clary and Izzy, Lydia and Bat settled in a table to the side. Maia sets a mojito in front of him too, “I get off in an hour and will join in.”

“Looking forward to it,” he picks up his drinks and heads back to the pool table, sidling up next to Alec about to take his shot, “Don’t scratch.”

“I don’t need any unnecessary pressure,” he aims at the eight ball, “corner pocket.” Alec strikes and the ball spins in, winning the game. 

“Nice shot,” Jace hands him the mojito.

“What, no innuendo? There’s a ball, stick, and hole involved.”

Jace smirks and puts a hand briefly on the small of Alec’s back, “We can talk about all that later.” He doesn’t need to see Alec flush to feel it. Jace pushes away towards Clary and Izzy, sitting at the table while Bat and Lydia rack up against the winning duo.

“I can teach you guys how to shoot pool,” he says as he slides into the booth, “since it looks like you have no idea.”

“Very funny,” Izzy rolls her eyes, “I see you and Alec are back to being cozy?”

“Yep, talked it all out,” Jace nods, biting his lip, “We can now go back to no huge supernatural disaster ruining our fun.”

“Cheers to that,” Clary raises her glass and they join in. 

“Jace,” Magnus steps away from the game and leans over the table, “I wanted to let you know, Miranda has been stripped of her rights to cast memory or sensual spells for the next century. I’m keeping my eye on her now too.”

“Thanks Magnus.”

Magnus pats Jace’s shoulder, “Let me know if you ever need to talk about it.”

“I will, thank you again,” Jace grins when Magnus winks on his way back into the game. Alec catches his eye over Magnus’s shoulder, quirks an eyebrow. Jace pushes calm through his bond and watches Alec’s shoulders drop in response. 

“There won’t be another person, will there?” Clary asks, drawing Jace back into the conversation at the table. 

“No,” Jace agrees, “There won’t be but I’m more than ok with that.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, happy holidays all. 
> 
> tumblr: emmybazy.tumblr.com


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